Welcome to the website for American End of Endo Project. We are so glad that you have found us. Take a look around, but first, we'd like to share with you the reason this organization was created with a note from the founder.
Every morning I wake up unsure if it’s real or a dream. I breathe, hopefulness quickly chased by dread as I think of what might still be. Are they really gone? I wonder. Then, like clockwork, the joy washes over me and there it stays. From the cold uncertainty of dread into the warmth of relief and happiness. Though I lived too much of my life with them, today they are gone. The razor blades that once tore and dug into my abdomen no longer cut me. The glass shards broken that burrowed into my every depth are all cleaned up. The burning, stinging, angry rash that once landscaped the inside of my body, it no longer burns me.
I am so used to fear, dread, anxiety, misery, and exhaustion. I am so used to disappointment, every day but some days worse. I am used to being tortured. Or, at least I was.
If you are healthy and do not live with chronic pain, please never take “normal” for granted. People seem so disappointed when there’s “nothing new”, but truly health is a gift and if you do not wake up and savor it, you are missing out on one of the greatest things about being human. Health is gorgeous. Relief is the greatest joy since relief is always joy juxtaposed to some degree of horror. That’s exactly what endometriosis was to me: horror.
I say “was” very gingerly. I’m terrified of waking up one day and having an ounce of that horror come back for me. That’s why every morning I have a tinge of fear still, that maybe this fantastic normalcy will be exchanged for a death ride down memory lane. Every month, certain times especially, I brace myself for the grinding, shredding, stabbing disappointment that used to punctuate my life. I brace myself for the realization that I am not okay. But, then I am.
I say “was” so gingerly because there is technically no cure for endometriosis. I had a long, awful journey that led me to an excision surgery with a world-renowned endometriosis specialist, and then a four-month recovery. Those four months were terrifying, because I was not sure what the outcome would be. There was still varying degrees of pain, and I became more depressed and anxious than ever. What a profound lesson in faith it ended up being.
But then, one day when the hell fire should have started up, it didn’t. I was fine. I never knew that I was even capable of going through a period without pain medicine, a heating pad, tears, lots of wine, being unable to move, being balled up in the shower praying that God would just take me away from this cruel experience of life… I never knew I would experience a period without those things, or life without horrible stomach problems... Feeling that I was beat to a pulp inside was my “normal”. But I tell you today, with all of the most authentic joy, I no longer experience any of that.
So, there is no cure that is 100% certain to heal endometriosis. Many people endure more treatments than I and still struggle with the disastrous hell that is endo. Some people feel better for some time and then start feeling rotten again. This is why I’m on eggshells hoping to never go back to where I just came from, and it’s why no matter how good I feel I can never move on without going back to help those still stuck.
I have no idea what the future has in store for me, but for today, I feel great. I know what it is like on the other side now, and it is glorious. This time of health I am enjoying, I hope it is for the rest of my days, but for however long it is, I am thankful for each day I am not feeling eviscerated and destroyed. Each day I can fully participate in is precious. Each moment of health is a gift. I want others to have the hope that I have now and a chance at this epic thing called “being pain free”. I cannot promise anyone what will come of her individual situation, but what I can promise is that I will do whatever I can to introduce sufferers to things that might make their lives as joyful and magnificent as they should be.
One moment at a time, one day at a time, one person at a time, we will remove what barriers we can and help to renew hope.
Founder/ President, AEEP